Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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