after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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