ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
