How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
