Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
