Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
as a side note pls kill me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
