okay pat passed out under dana's car
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
