We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
