so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
