It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
