i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
