also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
false alarm, still single
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