erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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