wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
