Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
