is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
