Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
