Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
