OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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