My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
