Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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