dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
