Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
