You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
