Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
