dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
