just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
