I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
