problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
