At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there is puke in my bra ... again
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