you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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