Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ttyl tear gas
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
