Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
