I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
