On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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