The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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