he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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