don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
