dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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