My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
