i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
