C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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