YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
