Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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