I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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