Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
