I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
