Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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