So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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