I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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