i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
