just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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