I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
