iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
