She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
