I skipped work to stalk him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
