the condom got lost in my hair
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
