I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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