I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
